"Come Unto Christ, and be Perfected in Him"

Hello there friends. I have news to share with you! 

If you weren't already aware, I had to return home from my mission this past Saturday. 

Now, I know what you might be thinking: "What? How did this even happen? Are you doing okay?"

Yes, I am doing just fine. I am doing and feeling much better now that I am back in Kansas with my family. I had to come home to take care of myself. Depression is a very real thing and it can also be a really scary thing. Most of you probably didn't know, but I've had problems with major depression for a very very long time. But I wanted to go off to college and on my mission not worrying so I worked really hard to get better and I did!! I had such a wonderful time and decided it was time I give back to my Heavenly Father and go serve a mission. So that's what I did! And everything was really good!

But, while I was out in the field, my mental health started to decline. I thought I wasn't working hard enough or my testimony just needed to be stronger so I did my best to shove it out of my mind and focus on the Lord. That was working for a while, but things would eventually get bad again. I was becoming so confused and hurt. I had become so converted to the gospel and my relationship with the Savior was the closest it had ever been. Why was this happening to me? Isn't the gospel and aren't missions supposed to bring you joy? I kept on trying to work extra hard, even though I felt like my strongest efforts were not enough. Before my old mission president went home, he contacted me and told me to consider leaving the mission. I was like "no no no no no no no no no no no no NO I am not leaving my mission. I'm not giving up. I can't do that". But as these weeks have gone on, I realized it was time for me to go home and that I needed to take care of myself. I still tried everything I could to stay. I won't go into any details, but these past few weeks have been some of the hardest and scariest in my entire life. It finally came down to the missionary department telling me they were going to send me home. So I spent the last few days packing up all my things, woke up super early, and headed out to the Pocatello airport. and now I am here at home!

As for plans after my mission, I'm going to take some time to heal and to be with my family, and then I will be returning to BYU in January. So if you wanna hang out before then hmu 

During my whole mission and this whole experience, I have learned that Heavenly Father knows us perfectly and He is so merciful and loving and kinder than we can ever imagine. I have learned that the atonement is the most powerful gift we have been given and we have that assurance that no matter how we feel or what trials and pains we are going through, the Savior is right there beside us every step of the way. And because of that power, we can be truly healed and be "perfected" through Him, just like it says in Moroni 10:32-33. "Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God. And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot." I am so so grateful for the opportunity I had to serve a mission and to serve my Savior. I'm so grateful for the gospel and how it can literally change lives. I so grateful God trusted me enough to send me to a place I once thought was weird and to speak a language I once thought was ugly. I know that He lives. I know that He loves us, and that's why He gave us this gospel. I know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true church upon the earth.

I love you all so much. Thank you for sticking with me and reading about my adventures these past 10 months. Your love and support have meant the world to me. Take care. 

Love, Hannah